Asexual Hiei's
by Sagi-chan
Summary: We all know that Koorime reproduce asexually. But how might Hiei use this to his advantantage? Why, to take over the world of course! Only... not. [OOC Hiei's] [one shot]


Disclaimer: Kurama, Hiei and all other things used in this fic do not belong to me. However, all copies of Hiei belong to me, SO BACK OFF!  
  
  
  
  
  
AN Well, this is completely random. I just want to say that the only reason I wrote this is because I'm waiting for my sister to go to bed and leave the damn TV alone! "ice wars" my ass! I wanna watch YYH!!!!! *coughs* Anyway, just let me know what you think, ne? I'm sure I'll get a lot of random reviews saying something along the lines of "Narf". Hehe.  
  
  
  
From the author who brought you Tossed and Found comes: HEIE'S BACK UP PLAN TO TAKE OVER THE WORLD!!! Well, sorta. It's more like ASEXUAL REPRODUCTION AND WHY IT'S SCARY! Except, shorter. Yeah...  
  
  
  
  
  
Summary: We all know that Koorime reproduce asexually. But how might Hiei use this to his advantantage? Why, to take over the world of course!! Only... not.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
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Shuuichi Minamino, also known as Kurama to a select few, peered worriedly at the book in his hand. It was titled simply, "The Asexual Cycles of Koorime". Yukina had leant it to Kuwabara - whom which he had stolen it from after said Reikai Tentai had died of shock.  
  
  
  
The funeral had actually been quite touching.  
  
  
  
Anyway, back to the book.  
  
  
  
"It is a well know fact that Koorime reproduce asexually. Female's of this race simply switch around their genetics to produce the infamous Koorime twins, who in turn reproduce more twins, who reproduce *more* twins and so on. However, a male Koorime (as rare as they are) reproduces in a way that is quite different. Instead of changing the genes or genetics - the male Koorime will simply split his body structure into one or more duplicates of the original. They will look completely identical, but the personality will be almost random."  
  
  
  
Kurama glanced back at the book before turning to stare out the window.  
  
  
  
Hadn't Hiei told him he was going into heat just the other day?  
  
  
  
*Insert gulp*  
  
  
  
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Somewhere not too far from Kurama's bedroom, but at a good enough distance to remain undetected. Yet at the same time a close enough distance to keep an eye on the sneaky Youko - but at the same time not *too* far away, just in case Kurama decided to have a dish of sweet-snow that Hiei could steal... Hiei was resting in a tree.  
  
  
  
And he was resting with good reason too! He had spent the entire day in heat - producing identical copies of himself. The next day he planned to take over the world with said copies.  
  
  
  
Hey, if stealing the Artifacts of Darkness hadn't worked, an army of Hiei's certainly would!  
  
  
  
Hiei copy 1 looked up into the tree the original Hiei was in with a goofy, completely out of place grin. "Narf."  
  
  
  
Hiei copy 48 smacked copy 1 upside the head with a twig for sounding so stupid. "Baka!" copy 48 cried out, continuing to hit copy 1 upside the head while chasing him around the tree. "BAKA! BAKA! BAKA!"  
  
  
  
"Narf!" Copy 1 wailed, running around in circles trying to defend himself. "NAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRF!!!!"  
  
  
  
While this was happening, Hiei copies 37 and 82 were slowly trying to sneak away to a local ice cream shop. "Sweet Snow!" They chanted under their breath, the booming echo only reaching them twice. Unfortunately for them, Hiei copy 35 intercepted them with a shiny Spork and a low animalistic growl.  
  
  
  
The two ice cream seeking demons sulked all the way back to camp, a Spork in each of their foreheads. They would be now condemned to a lifetime of walking around and being asked, "Hey, is that a spoon in your forehead?" And they would be forced to answer: "No, it's a spork."  
  
  
  
That is, if they could actually say anything other then "Sweet snow! *drool* "  
  
  
  
And that was when the *real* pandonium broke out. For you see, the original Hiei woke up. And he was in no way happy.  
  
  
  
"Narf?" Hiei copy 1 asked in a small timid voice as his 'creator' diced him neatly.  
  
  
  
"BAKA!" Copy 48 screamed right before falling to his bloody demise. His twig-weapon fell to the ground a moment later.  
  
  
  
Copies 37, 82 and 35 all met their spork-y demise seconds later. And all other unmentioned copies (for the author didn't feel like mentioning and giving personalities to them) also died.  
  
  
  
Well, now at least we know why Hiei didn't bother taking over the world like that the *last* time he had been in heat.  
  
  
  
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"Hiei, would you like some ice-cream?" Kurama asked his friend calmly, looking out his window at the fire demon sitting on the tree branch there. He offered a bowl of the treat and a spork with which to eat it.  
  
  
  
"Narf?" Hiei asked before shaking his head. "I mean... Hn." He accepted the ice cream and spork, the latter of which he embedded in Kurama's forehead.  
  
  
  
Kurama gave him a strange look, not at all disturbed at the utensil in his flesh. "Riiiight... Hiei - did you go into heat again? I swear I saw nearly twenty of you roaming around town the other day."  
  
  
  
"BAKA!" Hiei cried, taking out a twig and beating Kurama upside the head with it. "BAKA! BAKA! BAKA!"  
  
  
  
"Er..." Kurama said, dodging the twig neatly. "I'll take that as a yes..."  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
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AN And that, all you fanfiction people who actually finished reading this completely random fic, is what happens when you eat too much turkey. Just a note, all things in this fic were purposely repetitive. It was dileberately OOC. Flames will be laughed at.  
  
  
  
End note: Narf?  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
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